Interracial Marriages

Problem: Interracial Marriages Among Blacks and Whites

*Note: I elected to use the terms Black and White in this context due to a desire to limit use of varying terms, which have been used to describe the two cultures. Black refers to African- American persons or persons who are of African American descent and not Hispanic or Caucasian in the US Census. White refers to persons who are of Caucasian descent and who are not Hispanic or African American.

Race relations have improved throughout history, as we become a more diverse society. The population of the United States is no longer clearly divided into neat, easily separated (identifiable) races of people. Interracial marriages and procreation have created an influx of people with mixed heritages. According to various studies, interracial relationships have become more acceptable. One study conducted at East Carolina University revealed that the current generation of college students is very accepting of and more likely to become involved in interracial relationships. Nearly half of the 580 students surveyed reported that they were willing to participate in an interracial relationship (Knox, 2000).

History

Historically speaking interracial relationships were actually illegal in 16 states until 1967. More recently a push was made by the NAACP to repeal the law against miscegenation in Alabama, which is the last of the states to keep this law on the books. It must be noted that the law cannot be enforced due to the Supreme Court’s ruling over 30 years ago that anti-miscegenation laws are unconstitutional. Yet the law’s existence mocks the multitude of interracial couples living in Alabama.

Family

There are two familial issues in regard to Interracial marriages. The first concern is how the “family of origin” will react to and subsequently deal with the couple. The second is how the couple will decide to raise it’s new family. Will they merge their cultural beliefs and traditions or will they forge new ground by creating their own new traditions. According to McNamara, et al. the initial and overall attitude of the family of origin generally falls under on of these four responses: supportive, rejecting, accepting but not supportive and split feelings. The subsequent behaviors which exemplify these reactions may include ostracism, disowning of family member and even creating discomfort for the couple through emotional and verbal hostility(McNamara, 1999).

According to research, Black families tend to be more accepting of interracial relationships (12, McNamara). However in Black families that do express discord the hostility seems to last longer than in white families. In contrast most white families who initially oppose the relationship tend to grow to accept the couple by publicly acknowledging the relationship. Many of the reasons for the initially opposition to the relationship that is shown by white families was reported to be due to fear of losing societal standing with the community, fear for the welfare of their relative, and the fear of potential problems any children resulting from the marriage may encounter. Oftentimes fear for the welfare of the relative (son or daughter) presents itself as hostility toward the spouse. McNamara, et. al suggest the only way to reduce or rid themselves of the hostility is through increased contact with the interracial couple. However this contact may prove to be too tense and uncomfortable(McNamara, 88). One other interesting conclusion was while the birth of children to the couple may tend to bring initially hostile white families together, the emergence of children does not tend to bring hostile black families together.

Society

Acceptance is not only difficult in our families but many members of our own cultures tend to offer some of the most damaging opinions. For example Myrna Allen Cook’s husband was told “Black women were not to be trusted, were bossy and aggressive by nature” by some of his black male colleagues. Black men tend to have stringently negatives feelings toward black women – white male relationships despite the earlier quoted statistics on the higher frequency of their dating and marrying white women (Killian, 2001). As a matter of fact it is more likely that black men who have dated and/or married white women will react negatively and even cite black women – white male relationships as their reason for dating strictly outside their race (Ebony, 1999). This attitude is detrimental to intra-racial relations. Backbiting and negative comments from within a culture can cause more damage than cross cultural negativity. In contrast, the majority of the conversations Rachel Blakely had with black women regarding attractions to white men have revealed ambivalence. In the majority of the women there was neither hatred of nor love for black women who become involved with white men. However I must note that there are many black women who harbor hostility toward black men for their interracial relationships with white women. Yet the focus of this discussion is on black women – white male relationships

The extreme negative emotion expressed by blacks is detrimental to our overall cultural acceptance of interracial marriages. Many say its roots go back to slavery when their masters used black women and the mixing of the race began. The dual argument has been made about black males interest in white women. Their desire has been said to stem from the final acquisition of once “forbidden fruit” (Ebony, 1999).

It is important to note that white men too have been confronted about their relationships with black women. They express fear of acceptance too and the majority of the opposition comes from their families and workplace. ”Will their family, their friends, their boss be cool?” (Essence, 1999).

Most of this discussion has been about interracial relationships between African Americans and Caucasians in general. To provide a more real world application I introduce to you my sister, a 21-year-old African American woman and her fiancé who is a 25 year-old German male. In sharing their thoughts and feelings about their cultures and their own viewpoints I offer you insight about their experience. (see attached interview questionaire)

My sister is about to become what is called a minority within a minority. Historically black women-white male marriages represent an even smaller percentage of the interracially married population. IN comparison only 1 out 25 black women marry white males versus 1 in 12 black men who marry white women (Essence, 1999). In addition to conflict that interracial couples experience in their families, social groups and the workplace, they report a great deal of internal conflict. Rachel Blakely reports in Essence magazine’s July 1999 issue that common thoughts of “If my foremothers were forced to fend off white men, what does it mean if I choose to be with one? How can I look at my own honey-colored skin and not see slave rape?” plague black women in relationships with white men. This internal conflict may be repressed or expressed and exhibits a great need for therapeutic discussion and assistance.

Methods of Coping

Due to the varying degrees of hostility interracial couples experience a variety of coping methodologies are used. They vary from ignoring the negative public opinions to literally separating in public to avoid maltreatment. McNamara, et. al describes at least 11 coping mechanisms used by interracial couples and 8 Typologies of Couples Responses (Educators, Dismissers, Duckers, Packers, Isolators, Prayers, Confronters, and Suers). The eleven coping mechanisms are basically self- explanatory and each is used in varying situations. For example, McNamara, et. al uses the example to just “Ignore It”. Oftentimes this is employed more by the white partner in order to avoid dealing with the situation altogether. However it is useful in minimally confrontational situations such as when a person is staring openly at a couple, they continue on their way not acknowledging the behavior. The other 10 coping mechanisms discussed are Normalize It, Awareness, Hiding, Support Groups, Humor, Religion, Education, Defensiveness, and Confronting. The most dangerous, and dramatic response would be confronting in which the couple directly addresses the persons involved and forces them to explain or justify their behavior. This method may lead to dangerous circumstances, the worst situation being a physical attack or other abuse. The eight typologies for interracial couples in dealing with negative treatment may be indicative of the partner’s personality type. A quiet introverted white male may be more likely to be a “ducker” one who “avoids places and groups of people hostile to interracial couples.” In contrast the black woman may be more likely to be a “confronter” “taking exception to insults, even minor ones (McNamara, 109).

Implications for Counseling

According to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy the number of black-white marriages have quadrupled since 1970.Frrom this on would infer that race relations in the Untied States have greatly improved since the 70s, yet there are still marked tensions between blacks and whites. Therefore there is a pressing need for multiculturally sensitive counselors to assist the interracial population. As stated by Lynn Norment in the November 1999 issue of Ebony, “couples who fall in love and marry outside their cultural group are disavowed by their families, shunned by friends and insulted by strangers.”

All of these concerns create a plethora of issues for interracial couples and increase the need for a multiculturally competent counselor. An expert counselor must be sensitive to the delicate needs of the interracial couple. The attached proposed treatment plan and guidance lesson addresses some of the issues and offers tips for developing a therapeutic alliance with interracial couples. It also suggests activities to be completed with and by the couple to encourage communication and unity.

Treatment Plan/Guidance Lesson

Problem

Acceptance of interracial relationships and increase in communication

Goals and Objectives

1. To describe the joys and difficulties of interracial relationships

2. Provide examples and testimony from the couple

3. Explore needs and issues from both client and counselor perspective

4. Establish a treatment plan with guided lessons for couple

Recommended intervention

· Increase awareness of communication needs/foster positive communication of these needs between partners

o Activity

§ List positive and negatives of silence. Discuss when it’s good to be silent and better to talk about problems.

§ Write letters to each other voicing concerns if talking is uncomfortable.

§ Acknowledge and disallow the “no racial history/talk” rule in the therapeutic environment. Counselor prompt – “If the rule that race is not talked about were lifted for 10 minutes what would it look like in therapy?” (Killian, 2001) The purpose o f this activity is to encourage the couple to talk about the issues and history of race problems that’s causing problems for them now. This encourages discussion while creating a sense of safety for the clients.

· Increase supportive behaviors in Partners

o Activity

§ Establish unified ways of dealing with public negative attention.

· Discuss specific examples of situations and allow each client to express his/her fears, emotions, and desired way of dealing with situation. Encourage clients to brainstorm ways to deal with this situation in the future so that they present a unified front. Thus supporting rather than isolating each other. Discuss varying coping methods.

· Encourage client to identify which typology s/he belongs to and (McNamara, 1999). Discuss ways to circumvent negative treatment by family, friends and strangers.

· Encourage partners to establish/build a “family” identity together

o Activity

§ Create a cultural genogram to highlight and acknowledge cultural differences

§ List holidays and traditions from both “families of origin” and compromise or integrate some of them into new rituals

§ Encourage “self exploration” of separate histories and compare notes

Other Activities

1. Encourage clients to form and join support groups of other interracial couples as well as new social circles

Interracial marriages are increasing in number. In 1997 the United States Census Bureau reported a 311,000 black-white interracially married couples. The United States Supreme Court overthrew the unconstitutional laws banning miscegenation in 1967. Yet these couples still face great social, religious and political conflict. This conflict creates a great need for a therapeutic alliance with a multi-culturally sensitive and competent counselor to assist interracial couples in maintaining health relationships. As in my sister’s situation I pray that she and her fiancé can keep the strength they currently exude and co-exist happily as a couple in a world that is filled with contradictory views.

Cultural or Ethnic Background of Interviewee: African American

Age: 21 Name:_

Gender: female: Education: Bachelor of Music with outside Field in German

Occupation: Student

1. Please describe the most important values and beliefs of your culture.

I believe that it is person’s right if not duty to find out where a person’s ancestors are from and what their nationality is. I think that for African Americans, a sense of family unity and pride are essential elements within the confines of a strong family.

2. Please describe important cultural events, celebrations, and practices in your culture.

Black History month is one of the most famous celebrations of the African American race, but there is also another event that is gaining popularity as well as importance. There are many families today which celebrate Kwaanza. I also know that within my culture, Holy holidays are of the utmost importance.

3. What reading materials, films, or videos can help us learn about your culture?

I think that one of the most informative and entertaining documentaries was “Eyes on the Prize.” I love reading books by Alice Walker, Zora Neal Hurston, and Toni Morison (I am only mentioning a few of the most popular ones). I think that Spike Lee has revolutionized modern films, especially those that involve a predominately Black cast and deal with issues concerning Blacks. Today, there are more films than ever which place Blacks in the leading roles. I also think that Ebony and Jet magazine are great sources for reading about black culture and trends.

4. How do you think others outside your culture view your culture?

I think that most people don’t understand my culture simply because they don’t know what it is like to be black. A person simply can’t decide to study Ebonics and therefore have a complete understanding of what it’s like to be black. There are so many stereotypes surrounding our race, I don’t even know how we can begin to invite people into our culture. A person cannot and will not be able to identify with the black race simply because they’ve seen a ghetto or know the lyrics to a couple of rap songs. This is not what our culture is entire about, but I do believe that this is how our culture is portrayed.

5. What are the fondest memories you have from your childhood?

Well, I remember having a lot of fun with my family. I know that we would all spend the holidays together and eat lots of good home cooked foods. We’d hear stories about each other, and we’d laugh a lot, talk a lot and eat a lot!

6. Have you ever experienced prejudice or discrimination? Please elaborate.

I think that the most annoying experience that I’ve had concerning predjudice and discrimination was when an older woman “complemented” me by saying that I “didn’t act like the other black children.” I asked her to elaborate and she said that I was “clean, quiet, and I actually wanted to learn.”

7. How people from your culture perceive counseling and counselors?

I suppose that generally, counseling comes from the home. When there is a need to go outside of the home, I believe that most people will seek the professional help that they need. Often a counselor will be the source.

8. What issues or concerns do you think people from your culture would bring to counseling?

I would guess that they would talk about having to deal with constant stereotypes, having to support a family on a limited income, and trying to make lives better for their children and families.

9. When it comes to counseling, what approach or interventions do you think would help people from your cultural group the most?

I think that a genuine and honest approach is the best. I think that a person of the same race and background would allow the patient to reveal more about his personal issues.

10. Is there anything else that you would like to add to help me understand your culture better?

No.

Cultural or Ethnic Background of Interviewee: German

Age: 25 Name:_

Gender: Male Education: Bachelor of Music, English, German

Occupation:student

1. Please describe the most important values and beliefs of your culture.

I believe that the Christian values are the most important beliefs in my culture. To try to understand each other, handle selfless. Honesty

2. Please describe important cultural events, celebrations, and practices in your culture.

The most important celebrations are Easter, Christmas and birthdays. On these days, the families gather, and we take a “ time out” from the regular. Germany is mainly catholic or protestant, so Church service on Sundays is very important as well, even though this is decreasing.

3. What reading materials, films, or videos can help us learn about your culture?

German literature, German music. I think that my nation is best reflected by that, along with History documents. Goethe, Boell, Hesse, Beethoven, Bach, and Mozart represent Germany’s intellectual potential. History documents talk about the long way Germany has gone until today, including the Third Reich.

4. How do you think others outside your culture view your culture?

I think that most people think of the Third Reich at first. Germany is still measured by this time, and Germans still carry that conscious. I think that there are a lot of stereotypes, which arose out of misunderstanding Germany. Germany is still often misunderstood, but it is mainly because nobody tries to get to know the people besides the stereotypes. I don’t think that people, who actually got to know Germany, can hold on to at least all of the common stereotypes.

5. What are the fondest memories you have from your childhood?

My brothers and I playing at home.

6. Have you ever experienced prejudice or discrimination? Please elaborate.

I experienced stereotypes being white and European, when I was in India, and people automatically assumed that I was rich. The second time with Anita, while we were leaving the mall, and an old white couple gave me/us some “special looks”.

7. How people from your culture perceive counseling and counselors?

They are considered as doctors, but people wouldn’t necessary brag about visiting them. Nevertheless, they are considered as competent help, when you are having a serious problem.

8. What issues or concerns do you think people from your culture would bring to counseling?

Fear. Especially males are frightened of “losing control”. They are scared of the dependence on the counselor, and of revealing secrets.

9. When it comes to counseling, what approach or interventions do you think would help people from your cultural group the most?

Honesty, compassion, and understanding. People want to be understood and helped. Trust is also very important, I think that after someone went that far, this knowledge has to be treasured and treated rightly.

10. Is there anything else that you would like to add to help me understand your culture better?

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage."

- Lao-Tzu